deep in disillusionment

i was having a philosophical discussion with myself about the five stages. you know:

anticipation
disillusionment
confrontation
competence
culmination

and about anticipation. or expectations, in general. and about striving for a state of zen, a place of non-expectation - that perma-stuck in this moment and this moment alone thing. how you could cut out the first two steps, and whether or not they are really necessary.

you see i'm trying to avoid that second step.

a series of digs that might get me in a hole i can't get out of.

it's deep in here.

but that's the thing about a hole, people. that's the thing about a shovel. it may take some more digging, but a gradual incline will always get you out of a hole. always. it's just science, people.

but it's also interdisciplinary.

eventually, you will be able to just climb out of them.

or fly, even.

and whether or not i would even want to skip the disillusionment part, stop getting into that hole altogether. but missing out on the high that follows. cause again, that's just science. just the nature of being in or out of a hole.

and looking down on a hole you conquered.

like the euphoria that comes after excruciating pain.