colouring 101

marching and breaking

2009-03-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

a lot of people will disagree with me, but teachers most certainly need their breaks. you have no idea how exhausting this is until you actually do it.

clearly there are far too many people commenting on things they haven't the first clue about.

congratulations, teachers.

break away.

floating or spinning

2009-02-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

it's so much more those everyday creations than anything chaotic. this whole thing operates in some sort of perfect hanging there law of things - everything just so. you are not going to get too much outside of it. even when you spiral spiral downward, you do it relatively quietly and over a long period of time. and meanwhile, just breathing breathing and not floating away, wishing gravity would pay tribute to your so-called chaos - like couldn't the earth just stop spinning for a minute and acknowledge you, damnit. but it just keeps on spinning.

it's all just perfectly hanging there and going on endlessly - a palette of experiences. just look around at all the creations - a veritable experience movie picture show.

well, you know what that is, don't you?

changing in a phone booth

2009-02-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

in the interest of
saving time

(cape and all)

i'm synthesizing

in the interest of
saving time

(flying stance)

do it all at once

the rightest wrong answers at an interview

2009-02-07T12:58:00.000-08:00

i hope you don't mind, but i'm not into forcing beliefs of any kind on anyone. i'm into highly critical thinking. i'm into knowing you believe something sometimes because you've tested it. by learning something's wrong, by how you feel it, you come to know in fact what's right - it's how you feel it. and suddenly, honing a sense of self awareness becomes the most important skill that you can push on a child. because they are malleable, in some senses, like fresh as a soft new snow. and you can put things on them. but you have a responsibility not to simply put on them the things that are bogging you down. if you want to be a teacher, you better get inside your own head and figure out what's wrong with you. and you better keep some tabs on that, or just make yourself better. you have a responsibility to these kids. they don't have any choices. we don't let them. so they didn't choose you, they didn't sign up for you. you chose them. you signed up for this. you must recognize that they are impressionable or you wouldn't be here. so you better use this awareness for good, my friend, or so help me... i probably won't be able to do anything about it. but i wish i could get my superpower on somehow and stop you. i swear if i hear any of you say beacuse i said so... i will do nothing. but every time you say it, it kills me a little. even if i don't hear it. so have that on your conscience.

if there's anything you are doing as a teacher, it is fostering a new sort of mentality - the only mentality that any of us who are looking can see as being that which is necessary to change the world. sure, math along the way, science along the way, language easily along the way - it's stitched into the fabric of our very existence... music most definitely along the way. but encourage a new mentality. this is the only job you have been chosen for. save the world, cheerleader.

blessed blessed aloneness

2009-02-07T09:16:00.001-08:00

there is something to be said for the people in my life right now, that despite how much i love being alone, i cannot leave them alone. i would give up being alone for all of you.

that being said, i do very much enjoy it.

what of all your bare skin?

2009-01-24T20:04:00.000-08:00

it's too cold for even my casual wear.
how did you hair dids do it?
i lost my toes in sheepskin packaging,
your's already primed to be broken.

some kind of crazy spirits or something.
frankly, i'm astonished.

2009-01-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

i love the whole while this whole thing plays out.

be not ashamed

2009-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

your dreams may change. your direction may change. your focus may change. but while you are here, you will change someone. and change is the only lasting thing in the universe. that's pretty powerful. sure, the people you have changed will change again and it may seem like the change you inspired is gone, diminished, insignificant in the face of this new change. but your change is a precursor for further change - a catalyst, even. it is forever etched into the fabric of the universe. it's like that whole newton: genious-but-wrong-and-where-would-science-be-without-him thing?

it is right for you to be here. even if you don't know what you're doing, it is still right, now.

that chronic sick feeling that's been following you around and keeping you up in the middle of the night? that's just evidence that you are an intelligent and decent creature. take solace in that, if you can. you see what's wrong, where so many are blind. you think about things, where so many are clouded. granted, it will be harder for you. because when you know better, you are obliged to do better. it becomes your responsibility. and when you don't, it plagues you.

shame is the awareness of guilt. it comes from knowing you've done something wrong. it comes from knowing what's wrong in the first place. no matter how religious or spiritual you are (and i would argue you are more spiritual than you even know - that's just how easy this Godling business comes to you), the tenet 'be not ashamed' is valuable. but ashamed is not an adjective. it is a verb. it is not a state of being, and it most certainly doesn't expect you to miraculously feel good about things you know you have done wrong. it simply means: do not go onward to do that which you know is wrong.

go onward. be not ashamed.

you know better. act accordingly.

miraculous vibration

2009-01-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

The key to my very existence – in fact, the key to all of existence, is merely vibration. Even science agrees. Merely vibration, and nothing more. God vibrates and the world exists.

Merely vibration? Responsible for all of this? If that’s not a miracle…

Vibration can exist in harmony, or in disharmony. It is a very delicate balance and your very awareness of this vibration and the potential for harmony and interaction and creation gives you the power to play with it.

go, play.

heal, even.

who choses?

2009-01-03T21:00:00.000-08:00

who's reality is this?
what do you believe?

is there a line?

2008-12-30T18:04:00.001-08:00

we love to laugh
and we don't care about your expenses

you know who you are

2008-12-24T20:33:00.000-08:00

you are profound peoples.
you, of clear sight.
you, of pure hearts.
you, of ancient wisdom.

it is my pleasure to be in this world with you.

merry merry.
happy everyday.

spread cheer.
ripple.

2008-12-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

terrifying gorgeous Life,
i embrace You.

questions to scream in a parking lot

2008-12-23T16:24:00.000-08:00

where am i going?
what am i doing?
who's coming with me?

spinning
and spinning
and falling.

the winter wonder

2008-12-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

leaning against the wind
in boots and a cape
wielding a shovel
and rocking people out of a mess

get your superpower on

but i cannot help you if you don't want to be helped.
check your attitude and gender bias at the door, loves,
because outside it's cold and you didn't come prepared.

dancing in the kitchen

2008-12-15T05:39:00.000-08:00

i dance every morning to survive.
i sit for twenty minutes at a time.
i smile about things you can't see.
i laugh at pretty much everything.

a beautiful mess?

2008-12-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

life ain't really hard, but it sure as hell ain't easy.

calm and all bumped about

2008-12-10T20:29:00.001-08:00

this continues to be one of the most horrendous, yet hilarious, times of my life. simultaneously the least and greatest story ever told. i have never been so proud or embarrassed, so tired and well rested. i am at once loud as ever and soundless; never so understood and made to confuse; so unchallenged and so challenging, and even still, the opposite.

still, i am running.
standing here, i spin.

i go laughing.

screw this noise

2008-11-25T13:38:00.001-08:00

be still, yo.

2008-11-17T16:48:00.001-08:00

children are more beautiful people than adults.

get outside the lunch box, even.

2008-11-16T06:50:00.000-08:00

when i think of all the space there is on the internet
and these other realms of just infinite possibility
like the creative tendencies of the mind

and just all of these all of these all of these
all of these experiences

it's
just how infinite all of this is always
and just how little we are actually doing with it

be infinite, already.

trash all over the place - but it already is.

2008-11-16T06:24:00.001-08:00

i jumped a fence today
by a sort-of-beautiful beautiful bridge
- all fence and graffitied.
watched the water coming in.
sat by some garbage.

over the fence
water going going going.
and a grocery cart.
overturned, going nowhere.

but why do we pile it up all in once place?
out of sight, overturned, going nowhere.
why do we pile it up out of our faces?
shouldn't we see where it's going?

what if we scattered it over the place?

do you think we could change?
when we hardly notice anything.?

one flew over the cuckoo's nest

2008-11-16T03:22:00.000-08:00

"I've heard that theory of the Therapeutic Community...how a guy has to learn to get along in a group before he'll be able to function in a normal society; how the group can help the guy by showing him where he's out of place; how society is what decides who's sane and who isn't, so you got to measure up. All that stuff... how the goal of the Therapeutic Community is a democratic ward, run completely by the patients and their votes, working toward making worth-while citizens to turn back Outside onto the street."

so school is like a mental institution, and children are insane.
and both institutions are running under the same by-the-people-for-the-people pretense.

give me insane any day.

with my shoulders up by my ears

2008-11-14T19:40:00.001-08:00

i wonder how many people are just wandering around grinding their bones and their teeth away with tension, thinking they feel just fine. like: this is just how it feels to be alive.

while here i am, biting my tongue, because i know it can be better.

but maybe this is just how it feels to be alive.

remember:

2008-11-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

I dreamed the world had all agreed
To put an end to war.
(strangest dream by ed mccurdy)

scatter your arms, people.
scatter 'em around each other.

this is called hugging.

whatever it is

2008-11-11T13:28:00.000-08:00

and you don't need to convince someone of something for it to be so. it is so for you, and so it is. so, too, let it be so for someone else.

it is easy.
granted, it is also impossible.

figure that one out.

welcome, Love.

2008-11-09T18:24:00.000-08:00

if enough people in the world saw enough babies...

you, catalyst.

2008-11-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

it is encouraging to know that some people do, in fact, know better. do, in fact, exist outside the box.

i see your rage, and i rejoice; someone has to hold that frequency for the rest of us. someone has to create a space where the mainstream is questioned. someone has to point at it and say: you are lying to us and you will not get away with it.

but as for me, i cannot rage. hope is the wave that i ride. and when they finally hear you and want for change, too, i will still be sitting here, holding this space for all that mighty mighty potential.

we are the keepers of a spectrum.
we are the soldiers of evolution.

but we don't fight. we surf.

how long have you been standing there?

2008-11-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

it's a great big ball
and you're moving around with it
slowwwww
ly,

but imagining.

everybody needs a rock

2008-11-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

i am forever etched in the fabric of this universal existence.
we are forever etched.
i rock for you.
you rock for me.

i saved up this hug for you, the whole walk home.
we are forever embracing.
i rock for you.
you rock for me.

only once, even, is infinite.

and writing about it makes it so

2008-11-01T13:30:00.001-07:00

i'm sitting here, in a patch of sour kids. and paying attention to everything. the sweet taste, the sour, the rough edges and how it's good rough, anyway - like itching. or maybe poking a bruise. and the smell, and how i can't always figure out if i'm tasting or smelling or both. or just imaging it all. and remember whens and wheres and whos.

my whole life in a patch of sour kids.

either you're here or you're not

2008-10-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

i'm turning over a new leaf.
it's my autumn theme.

yup, still just me.

2008-10-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

i am writing secret messages in public. i'm hiding right here in the open. i'm telling you things right to your face, but you are missing everything.

no, you're no code breaker.
you're no meaning maker.
you're no analyzer.

this is how i remain a hermit, with all you people still around.

a robot for irony

2008-10-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

i have fantasies of competence. i have ideas all over the place. i'm all save the world.

i'm getting back to bigger than this.

they are building a box, sure. but no one told you how to use it. maybe i got inside it, but i made holes for a robot head and arms.

knock knock

2008-10-28T08:30:00.001-07:00

who's there?

not a teacher.

x factor

2008-10-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

it took me a while to remember what i was doing here
and then it was all 10:04 all over the place

a gatorade explosion.

everybody lurking everywhere

2008-10-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

everybody's whispering in the halls
because everybody you're talking about is walking right behind you

welcome to the fish bowl

2008-10-22T05:38:00.000-07:00

i miss being that back of the class kid.
that waaaaaay back of the class kid.

i miss that little fish feeling.
i miss that big pond.

i want to see where he's going with this

2008-10-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

who are we to say that anyone's artistic interpretation is wrong? forgetting how i feel about wrongness in general (and how it doesn't really exist), but art? come on. really? i'm supposed to grade this? a three minus because he didn't comply? a two plus, even?

but it's perfectly brilliant.
perfect and brilliant.

four plus, i guess... if you're trapped in the levels.

my name is angus

2008-10-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

hello, princess henrietta the third.

i feel very good about this. very good indeed.

even my beak hand is talking about it. talking about it to every beak hand who'll listen.

my beak hand has a turkey's voice.

if you understand this message, you've gone insane.

you've entered my happy place.

talk to the hand, loves. talk to the hand.

i am important in my insignificance. so what if i talk to the stars?

thank you to anyone or anything that saved me

2008-09-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

i could whine about how my day went, i guess.
but then again, who cares?
and at the end of the day, right?
... there's always ice cream.

so i'm working on a little perspective.
learning from mistakes, and oh boy, am i learning.
whatever doesn't kill you, type stuff.
... or at least, beer.

they're bound to learn something

2008-09-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

i was getting blood work done and the technician told me at some point, someone hands you a needle and tells you to stick it in someone's arm. i guess it's like that. i guess at some point, you just have to start somewhere.

you did feel competent, at some point.

and you never really believed in all this prescribed curriculum anyway.
and anyway, you don't answer to the man.
you're responsibility is to the children.

learning reading

2008-09-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wish i could just look
- just look - and not to read a book
just look at words and only see
a circle and a line, not 'p'
a line and then a dot, not 'i'
converging lines and not a 'y'
a jagged line, not 'w'
that little tail on letter 'q'
but ever since i learned to read
i cannot help it, i just need
to see a letter, make a word
the meaningful from the absurd

this box is confining

2008-09-23T07:28:00.001-07:00

sometimes i watch myself from the trees.
i find my monkey self most perplexed by my monkey self sitting in a classroom.

like what are you doing in there?

deep in disillusionment

2008-09-20T11:31:00.001-07:00

i was having a philosophical discussion with myself about the five stages. you know:

anticipation
disillusionment
confrontation
competence
culmination

and about anticipation. or expectations, in general. and about striving for a state of zen, a place of non-expectation - that perma-stuck in this moment and this moment alone thing. how you could cut out the first two steps, and whether or not they are really necessary.

you see i'm trying to avoid that second step.

a series of digs that might get me in a hole i can't get out of.

it's deep in here.

but that's the thing about a hole, people. that's the thing about a shovel. it may take some more digging, but a gradual incline will always get you out of a hole. always. it's just science, people.

but it's also interdisciplinary.

eventually, you will be able to just climb out of them.

or fly, even.

and whether or not i would even want to skip the disillusionment part, stop getting into that hole altogether. but missing out on the high that follows. cause again, that's just science. just the nature of being in or out of a hole.

and looking down on a hole you conquered.

like the euphoria that comes after excruciating pain.

ironman frees town, eats fence

2008-09-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

it's not what's happening in that building, stuck between those walls. it's what's happening all around it, and inside our heads.

are you digging it, yet?
did you even buy your shovel?

i am encouraging you to dig holes through the floor and out to the other side. remember always you are never trapped. i am encouraging you to dig everything. make holes and piles everywhere. and holes and piles again.

strange creatures take down fences. even stranger people build them back up again. me, i'm just digging my way everywhere. and sometimes my shoulder gets a little sore.

but i've made an awesome trail.